It's Not The Money: What Married Couples Are Really Fighting About

Money fights: it's one of the major causes of marital breakdown, according to a wide variety of sources and studies. Do we fight because one partner overspends and the other is a tightwad? Or is it disagreements about the use (and misuse) of credit cards? Maybe it's a difference in risk tolerance. Or inadequate planning for the future. Perhaps one partner earns more than the other.

All these are valid reasons for struggles with money in a marriage. But, are they the real cause of the arguments? Is it really the money? We believe not - money is simply the trigger for much deeper issues.

Money is so pervasive - it impacts almost every area of our lives. We have to make decisions about money practically every day. But, money is not our enemy; it's just a form of energy, an exchange. ("Wee bits of paper," as my frugal Scottish dad would always say).

Money gets the blame for SO much trouble and strife in relationships. But the real issue is what's underneath. These issues are typically rooted in childhood, caused by decisions we made as we watched, heard and modeled our parents. Issues like not getting what we wanted, believing that rich people are mean, and that you have to work very hard to make a living. We might've heard messages like, "money is dirty," "money doesn't grow on trees," or "money is the root of all evil."

So, the next time you find yourself knee-deep in an all-too-familiar fight with your spouse about what seems to be money - STOP! Take a moment to look deeper inside yourself at what's really bothering you and then share that with your honey. This is your golden opportunity to take full responsibility, be vulnerable, heal, grow and mature your marriage into the most fulfilling relationship of your life. Period.

Marriage/commitment can be a tough journey, but it's truly worth it. It's only in our most intimate relationships that we have the opportunity to reach our fullest potential. Money is our friend and a tool to help us get there... if we allow it.

For our recommended reading on love, money and marriage, visit http://www.coupleswealth.com/.